I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
