Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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