Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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