ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Congratulations! We have a period
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
