are you so shy because you have an std?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
