I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drunk is a universal language darling
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
