It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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