that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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