Define "chronic" masturbator.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
