you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize