You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
