He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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