Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
