Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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