Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
