he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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