"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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