So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
