They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
