Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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