I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
