Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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