Jerry, you need to find god
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
