im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
