Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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