why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
