ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
