guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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