The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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