Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
