im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
