My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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