UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
