you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
