I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
