I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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