The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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