a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
