so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
