I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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