uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
