Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
