Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
