He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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