Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
