im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
