At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
