i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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