Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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