Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
