ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
