I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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