A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
