Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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