a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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