the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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