Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
