Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
