you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
