homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
